What is a safe date?
It’s not just about where you go — having a good date means having a safe date, too. A “safe date” is a dating situation where you are comfortable and feel that your boundaries are being respected. Knowing and recognizing your personal boundaries, what a safe date is and what signs of gender-based violence look like can help you stay away from harm.
“Safe” can mean something different from one situation or person to another. Having a safe date is equally important for in-person as well as for online dating.
What do safe dates and healthy relationships look like?
While you don’t need to date to have a healthy relationship, the two concepts have a lot in common, including:
Mutual respect. You and your partner value each other as you are. You respect your own boundaries and the boundaries of your partner.
Trust. You and your partner feel safe and comfortable with each other. You both feel you can rely on each other, and you have confidence your partner wants the best for you.
Open communication. You and your partner can talk about what is going on when it is going on. You both are listened to without judgment. You’re both open about details of your lives, like plans or who your friends are, but you respect each other’s privacy too. You’re not forced to share information you don’t want to.
Conflict resolution. Disagreements and frustrations are normal. You and your partner look for compromises and solutions together, by discussing respectfully and honestly, while remaining on the topic being discussed.
Efforts and compromises. Both you and your partner actively make efforts and compromise to maintain the relationship.
Individuality. You and your partner remain unique individuals who can each reach your own goals, have your own friends outside of the relationship, and spend time pursuing your own interests and hobbies.
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Female counselors who work with sexual assault survivors whom I teach defensive tactics discuss these tips and more with their clients in the survivors' journey to a new norm.